It’s reunion time again for Below Deck. In its 3rd season, this fan-favorite BravoTV show was given a full-fledged 2-part production! Way to go Andy Cohen! Instead of boring myself with a play by play recap of the constant “He said, She said” so often associated with Bravo reunions, I decided to deliver 10 solid facts I learned from tonight’s program. Hope you enjoy reading them!
- Emile Kotze suffers from “yachtstipation” meaning his ability to take a crap on Charter can only be assisted by whacking off 3-6 times per day. This fact is as fascinating as it is truly disgusting….
2. Rocky accused Kate Chastain of drinking during the Eros kitchen fire out of an invisible mug. I reviewed the footage and found no mug before or after the fire on any surface in the galley. The viewing audience and I agree that Kate deserves a pass if the wine allegation is true. How else can you retain your sanity as “Crocky’s” manager? Since Rocky enjoys changing her name on “IMDB” I changed it again to reflect that 99% of what she says is a crock of shit.
3. Rocky’s crew dinner wasn’t raw, it was “Chicken Sushi.”
4. Rocky claims to hate being a stew on yachts, yet is now employed as one again. Guess those skills she claimed no one took the time to teach her paid off. Plus her career as a chef was over after whipping up “Oreo Salad” and “Grenadine Oysters,” that made a guest erupt like a vomit volcano….
5. Connie recommends a “Good bang” to improve crew relations.
6. Captain Lee wants Rocky to own her shit. “If you get caught with your tit in a ringer, Guess what? it’s because you put it there. I’ve seen everyone except you Rocky own their mistakes!” Sometimes you want to jump through the camera and kiss Captain Lee for not being afraid to say what everyone is thinking. “Tit in a Ringer” will be available on mugs and tees at shopbybravo.com Monday.
7. “You can’t handle the list, Rocky!!” Both Connie and Rocky came on board with no yachtie skills, yet at the end of the season Connie received a promotion and Rocky dove off the mast. The difference between the two women is a performance attitude. Connie came on board to work and better herself, Rocky came on board to get discovered by Hollywood. One of these two intents is reasonable Connie.
8. Rocky’s inability to look at the camera during interviews may be tied to liars being unable to look the person they are lying to directly in the eye…..She is looking at the ceiling during the reunion too and it’s GD annoying.
9. Rocky Dakota or her IMDB alter-ego Raquel Bartlow went to Culinary school for an entire year (LMAO) yet still can’t comprehend clean pans don’t cause fires even when you want them too!
10. Rocky is so infuriating with her fantasy-based comments that even the unflappable Captain Lee lost patience with her 3 times during the first part of the reunion. We are predicting there will be many more outbursts in part 2.
Until next week, hold on to your “Beef-Cheeks!”
~Bitch By Bravo