As dedicated readers of this blog and of my mentor StoopidHousewives.com know, both author’s have a low tolerance for the bullshit that’s been shoved into programming at BravoTV. It’s gotten so bad that I took a 2-month break during the holidays and Ms. SH is refocusing her razor-sharp writing skills on a book instead of the weekly fug-fest that is the Housewives. I tried dipping my toe back into BitchByBravo 2 weeks ago by giving the #RHOBH a nice punt in the Resnick complete with memes, but the magic is sadly gone. I care so little now for my once favorite Real Housewives of Beverly Hills that I watched an episode recorded almost a week ago tonight by mistake. I was busy devouring cheap drugstore chocolates not bought by a fucking Valentine and clicked the wrong DVR button due to the sugar shakes.
Since my attraction for Housewives has waned to the point that Viagra can’t get my mood turned on while viewing, I’ve decided to take a different approach to recapping the episodes. I’m going to highlight why they suck. So MUCH easier than trying to find redeeming moments in Andy Cohen’s upcoming tombstone credit.
Why did this week’s #RHOBH suck you ask?
- #YoFo and her neverending Lyme disease rants need to be shut down. She’s actually made a mockery of a serious illness! She’s been sick for 4 years, yet after she’s been de-wormed and had her leaky implants removed she’s cured! Quit giving her IV World Tour airtime Bravo! Cryotherapy for #YoFo needs to include her head.
2. Kyle’s helicopter ponytail move is like an attention whore’s Banshee cry! Maybe next season instead of Lyme we can explore scissors? My treat! The dance move is seemingly popular between the sisters. During this week’s #RHOBH Kyle tried to whip the audience away from Erika Jayne during her San Diego performance, but was instead left with whiplash and a chronic case of split ends. NO KYLE! That does not mean you have permission to do the splits either.
3. Erika Jayne proved to be a big fat liar igniting yet another Lymestorm with the ladies! You lost the viewers this week like the hair on your bald vajayjay Erika. I’m guessing Carlton, Taylor, Faye Resnick, Miss Puerto Rico, and the chick with $25,000 sunglasses have a seat for you in the #NotGonnaHappen section….
4. Why go after Lisa Vanderpump #YoFo?? The audience and Miss Andy LOVE her! Are you forgetting what happened to Brandi Landfill? You picked a poor side-kick in Erika Jayne/Girardi. She’s not helping you with the sympathy vote after this week. You don’t want to be sitting across from Lisa V at the reunion with a Bratz doll playing defense.
Geez #YoFo…….was it something I said?
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