#BelowDeck This Crew Can F&%$ Up A 2-Car Funeral and Much More!!


Poor Kelly Johnson….always feeling picked on, the Captain is mean, Kate throws me under the bus, Sierra is a jerk, haven’t had sex in 6 months, etc. etc. etc. Kelly. I’m going to throw you some Bitch Wisdom. Ready? This may sting for a moment, but like my friend Captain Lee I want you to succeed. You have all the right tools, Kelly. Time to use them. Here we go.


  1. When the Captain is giving you criticism, feedback, or compliments take them in the spirit they are being given. His job is to improve your performance and ensure the boat’s safety. None of it is PERSONAL. You will learn so much if you can separate your negative self-esteem from your job.
  2. Quit blaming others for your mistakes and for your deckhands. It just makes you look stupid. Own the mistakes and correct the behaviors.
  3. No gossiping with your crew. Getting involved in personal matters that don’t concern you reduces your clout as Bosun. If the deckhands don’t respect you look to yourself to blame.
  4. Stop thinking with your dick. Every season you let feelings for a woman get in the way of your success. Emily has no interest in you. That’s why you like her. She’s a challenge. Same pattern as your last season on Below Deck. If Emily did go out with you and liked you in return you would dump her. Your self-esteem is lacking to the degree that the only way to feel good about yourself is to get notches on your belt. Hurt people hurt people.
  5. The audience is rooting for you, just like Captain Lee. Hold on to that when you feel down. You are more than your physical appearance. Build you mind and work towards being an expert in your field


Elsewhere on the boat, the “love?” continues. Adorable Kyle Dixon made the mistake of giving uber-vapid Stew Sierra Storm his honest regard. He was rewarded with her texting another man while agreeing to spend time with him on a fishing date. Sierra will remember the internet is forever as her dates dry up back on land. Kelly Johnson will too when he sees the footage of himself yelling at Sierra for her treatment of Kyle. Captain Lee also weighed in on Sierra’s bad manners in his BravoTV blog:

Let’s move on to our Lothario from Manchester, Kyle. I’m trying to figure out why you’re chasing after Sierra like a love struck puppy dog when I can’t see that she has displayed any interest in you whatsoever. If not for the prodding by Kate, with whom by the way I didn’t agree, she never would have given you the time of day. So I just couldn’t figure out your constant pursuit. And did I hear that correctly that you “came out” to your dad. That’s all good, but don’t you think that may have been something Sierra might have wanted to know, seeing as you were trying to bed her without any “Hamiltons” as you put it. My, you are full of surprises, sir, and I think there is more to you than meets the eye. I do feel that Sierra should not have accepted your date request. I didn’t feel that she was being honest or fair with you. That being said, I also felt that Kelley should have kept his opinions to himself. You seemed completely capable of handling it on your own, and the way you explained it to Sierra at dinner I think said it all quite nicely. You’re doing an adequate job on deck, I just think you and everyone else needs to focus more on their jobs as opposed to their social lives.


Watching the deckhands get wasted then proceed to litter the boat with pizza and filth isn’t giving me good vibes. This crew needs to buckle down and focus on why they are there. Excuses and disrespect for Kate as Chief Stew isn’t allowed. Does the Captain have to start handing out plane tickets? You’ve all watched the show before auditioning correct? Are you so sure of your value to the production that you can avoid the rules and burn down the boat? Get your people in line Kelly. Take them on a safety drill to reinforce the seriousness of leaving over-heated appliances on in the galley.

Lauren, I must say I was shocked at how rude you were to Kate. You interrupt a conversation that she is having with Nico and demand that he stop this conversation because, “You and he need to have a conversation…NOW.” Really? I agree with Kate, who in the world do you think you are? You are a deckie, and a junior deckhand at that, and you’re interrupting a chief stew, a department head, because what you have is much more important than a serious safety issue. You better get over yourself girl or things won’t be going well in your future, I assure you. You were the one that left the pizza trail up the stairs to the wheelhouse; right after you demanded Kelley make you a grilled cheese sandwich. On a lighter note, I did love your line when you called Emily a “cheeky sod.” I thought that was funny. A bit of advice, if you can’t behave better than that when you drink, you might want to rethink how much you consume before you go barking orders at anyone. -Lee Rosbach


Some of the match-making this week did feel contrived. Kate doesn’t usually go out of her way to make couples within the crew. I think she wanted to flip the script with Chef Ben Robinson so that his moods would be better for her to deal with during the season. I’ve never seen such an awkward moment between two people as when Ben asked English Emily out for a dinner date. Luckily when they finally did get around to spending time together they clicked. Chef Ben is now clearly infatuated with Emily and visa versa, but is it really a good thing? Shipboard romances have never worked out on Below Deck and usually mean distraction from work duties. Let’s hope Ben and Emily are able to keep it all in perspective in the weeks to come!

Follow me on Twitter @BitchByBravo -BBB

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2 Comments on #BelowDeck This Crew Can F&%$ Up A 2-Car Funeral and Much More!!

  1. Right on point as usual BBB. I agree about Kelley, Capt. Lee is not being hard on him but it’s how he takes it. Lee does expect top notch performance, as he should. If he chews Kelley out for mistakes, it’s for good reason and he does want Kelley to succeed. As far as Sierra, she is just so absent minded it’s scary. The crew was a mess this episode, they need to get their stuff together! I always love Kate, I think she’s a great chief stew. Ben & Emily were cute on the date but I wonder as well if it will distract them from their duties.

    Liked by 1 person

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