#SouthernCharm RECAP “Sari, Not Sari”

Watching Craig Conover and Naomie fight and attend couples therapy wasn’t exactly an uplifting way to start Monday’s episode of Southern Charm. Flash cards and fighting is what we get in everyday life. I don’t need to see this gorgeous couple implode as entertainment.  What do I want to see each week? THIS! #ManCandy


Landon decides to meet Austen & Shep for brews and dresses to attract “Lumbersexuals” The Dolphin is READY to settle down and make babies. She wants a part-Shep, part Thomas collaboration. Like a mixed breed pound puppy that I will call a Shepmas. Truly, Landon needs a penis that will give her the social status she feels she deserves. Where is the S1 girl living on a sailboat who was all kindness and silly? That mammal has left to rejoin her pod.

Next up are Trav and his Daddy issues. Thomas Ravenel wants the respect and adoration his past behavior doesn’t deserve. Once you’ve been to prison, been accused of battery, had 2% of a senate race vote, and a very public custody battle with his 20-something baby mama the respect thing is a stretch. We love you and your flaws Thomas. Stop looking for approval in the places you won’t find it. If you could finally admit you engaged in dolphin sex you will have Bravo respect for life! Word up, my brother.

Chelsea and Austen decide to work up a PG sweat at the gym where Austen develops a boner. It was all fun and sexy banter until Austen reveals his sister died in a tragic accident. I love Austen’s vulnerability and trust in Chelsea to share that horrible event with her. It shows how close they are getting. Maybe Shep and Landon will finally start respecting the boundaries of this new relationship. Wishful thinking…….I know.

Pat Altschul is being visited by 80’s socialite Georgette Mosbacher and discuss having an Indian themed party to launch their joint caftan line. Did you know you can upload a photo of your pet and it can be displayed on a wearable garment? Yes, you really can. Who knew there was a market for puppy patterned leisure wear?

Kathryn Calhoun Dennis is getting her hair done and discussing her feelings with Chelsea. Finally an ally! I haven’t liked the dynamic towards Kathryn so if producers are giving her a friend then I’m all for it. Love her or hate her Kathryn Dennis makes Southern Charm dramatic and worth watching. She still loves Thomas and he still cares for her. Who knows what will happen down the road? I want her to get healthy and able to make a life with her gorgeous children.

Party time at Pat’s house! I’d love to have a “Michael” to help make my life easier. Cameran Eubanks has never looked more beautiful in her Sari! Whitney’s latest model girlfriend is happily Xanaxed and missed the dress code memo.  Landon wore a black leotard with a Sari attempt over the top and the boys are stunning. Love my Sheppy and Craigy! Georgette’s make-up is straight out of Rupal’s Drag Race. Less is more at that age.

Forgiveness is Georgette’s topic of discussion……eye rolls from Flipper.

Dinner is curry which reminds me of bad NYC apartments over restaurants. The smell is with you for days and seeps from your pores. Yuck. Over the meal, Georgette wants no cursing, no politics, and no sex. Good luck Rupal. We are treated to the Golconda diamond on big red’s finger and told again and again about her accomplishments. She married money people. End of story. Luckily Landon now has a new role model and will begin to use eyeliner to her advantage.

After dinner, Pat has a treat for her guests (she’s a great hostess) and introduces them to an Indian healer named Angie who is psychic and will answer questions about whoever sits in a designated chair. Thomas asks if Cameran will have a child and is told yes by the end of 2017. (True!) Shep asks if the law is Craig’s true passion, Angie the healer says yes and that he will have his own law firm.(Craig passed the bar!)  Shep will be single for ages longer. We didn’t need Angie’s input to answer that. Craig asks if Landon has a soulmate connection to someone in the room and is told yes! (How much did Landon pay Angie?) Cameran then asks if Whitney will give his mother a grandchild and is told yes. Whitney then reveals he has gotten a message from Kathryn who wants to make ammends. Landon immediately shakes her tail-fin and cries, social climber. Pot meet kettle, Flipper.


Craig and Shep both support Kathryn in her quest to make peace. Cameran and Landon think they are taking the high road by ignoring Kathryn’s pleas and question her ulterior motives. There is never harm in apologizing. Cam is wrong. It’s awesome that Craig and Shep are acting like gentlemen and assisting in helping Kathryn with her 12 steps.

Is Landon Clements so desperate that she will throw herself at Thomas, Shep, and Austen in the same episode?


She definitely does not honor “girl code” in any way, shape, or form. Austen Kroll (Shep the sequel) is adorable and happily involved with Chelsea. Instead of respecting that fact she practically licked his face at Patricia Altschul’s caftan party and at the bar. Did she think this would make Thomas jealous? Was she hoping Shep would have an epiphany and declare his undying love and devotion? Did she pay the psychic and Craig Conover to say her soulmate was in the room? It’s just a bit much from the quivering dorsal fin of Dolphin girl…..

Until next week BBB


About bitchbybravo (369 Articles)
Blogging under an alias so I don't have to kill you....

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