#BelowDeckMed RECAP: “The Ingredients Don’t Chive With The Clients”

Last night’s Below Deck Meditteranean was quite the moveable feast. So much drama so little time. A few little moments really need mentioning

The gossiping about Malia and her “lipstick smudged face” started out as good-natured ribbing between the crew mates. That is until Lauren ran down to tell Hannah about the cosmetically challenged “Joker” face of Malia after the smooching incident. Unfortunately for Lauren Malia heard the gossip session and wasn’t amused.

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Lauren tried unsuccessfully to play down the incident but Malia wasn’t having it. Cheerleader Lauren has been very emotional wondering why she isn’t respected by the deckhands and this incident won’t help her case. Drunken Kissing is a right of passage on or off a yacht. I firmly believe you should enjoy being young and free in Croatia. Kiss EVERYONE! This is a one in a lifetime experience! Had the situation been reversed and Lauren overheard Malia gossiping about her she would have been hysterical. Just a bit of advice to help the bouncy brunette out from the Mother Bitch. Stay in your own lane. Slut-shaming and playing lipstick monitor don’t endear you to anyone.


Poor Wesley was hurt when he heard that Malia had been kissing Adam on the same night. He’s honorable and adorable! Both Adam and Wesley handled the “morning after” situation like gentlemen. Seeing them both hug Malia in an Oreo cookie group hug was a great way to break the tension and move forward.

New clients Amber and Ken are returning from last season’s hot tub orgy to debauch another yacht. Their preference sheets specifically state #NoOnions and unlimited Shannon Beador quantities of Grey Goose vodka.

Chef Adam stakes his claim on Malia while talking to Hannah in the galley. Wesley takes his hurt feelings to Bugsy. And Malia apologizes to Lauren so we can Kumbaya our way through another charter. Drunk nights off really add to the quality of this show. Good times!

Smooth sailing is not ahead for our adorable chef however as he seems unable to come to terms with onion aversion by the new charter guests! Kenny and Amber are white trash with bank accounts and have very simple tastes. They like displaying public erections, abusing their livers, and good deep south cuisine WITHOUT ONIONS. Pleasing them isn’t doing espionage. Stock up on 3 normal charter’s worth of booze, buy lots of Clorox wipes to wipe down their sexcapades, cook with tons of butter, blow up the toys (all of them) and make dinner onion free. Adam responds by cooking lunch covered in green onions which a few of the guests enjoy, but not the primary. Seeing that they ate the onions fuels Adam’s response that onions are A-OK.

After drinking enough vodka to kill a fraternity and playing on water toys the guests are ready for a delicious meal prepared to their liking by a 4-star chef. Chef Adam has other plans. His recipes all include the pungent vegetable in its many variations. In his defense, he’s making Creole dishes which ALL include onions, but you can add them to recipe minced so finely they won’t see the evidence. The Shrimp and grits contain huge chunks of onion and are immediately sent back. Adam responds badly but tries to fix the plate for the client who sends the food back again because it is still stuffed with chives. Hannah is in the firing line of Adam’s leek induced temper tantrum. He starts berating the food while cooking a new plate making derogatory remarks which Hannah believes are directed at her. Chef Adam has missed the mark entirely with this meal and ignoring the guest’s specific requests.  The tip is in jeopardy. Let’s hope the vodka doesn’t run out.

In the morning Bobby is able to pull up the anchor with no issues. This is his finest moment so far this season. It’s picnic day for the charter guests as they head up the river to see some famous waterfalls. Bloody Marys are flowing so they will have no clue what they are looking at. Bugsy is getting on Hannah’s nerves. There can only be one Chief Stew at a time & both these ladies have very different approaches to the role. On the Sirroco Hannah has the gig so it’s her call on delegating. Chef Adam continues to promote Bugsy as the better Chief Stew in his talking head interview and to Bugs privately. In the galley kitchen after the guests are late to leave to catch the ferry Adam blames Hannah for the food being left out too long. Hannah is being attacked for no reason. She has zero control over the guests changing the time. How hard could putting the food in the fridge be?  The relationship between Chief Stewardess and Chef needs to be seamless and united in one goal-pleasing the guests. Period.

Let’s hope the onions are left at the dock next week 😉

#GetBitchy with me on Twitter @BitchByBravo



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