Last night’s Southern Charm was the best of the season! Cameran Eubank’s Birthday was a great excuse for a cast trip to Key-West Florida. (Only bad part was that Craig brought Naomi instead of Gizmo)
Before leaving for Florida, Shep stops by Chelsea’s house. They enjoy peanut butter on teaspoons together while Sheppy apologizes for being a kissing bandit. His boyish charm works on everyone including Chelsea. She tells the hunky lothario things could have been different between them if he would have admitted his true feelings. Shep is “awe shucks” and sad at the missed opportunity and Chelsea ate it up! Hmmmmm, wonder if Austen will enjoy seeing this?
Cam stops by to see Kathryn and they have a real conversation about motherhood fears and adoration of babies. Cam says Jason looked like an albino baby possum? Nice! Only in the south. Cam relates a message from Landon wanting an apology from Kathryn so they can move forward. Kathryn tells Cameran about the T-Rav/Landon Valentine’s Day hook-up and she is shocked! It changes Cameran’s feelings toward Landon instantly.
Craig and Naomi are arguing. Craig is making baby clothes as a gift for Cameran’s shower with Gizmo. Naomi is bitching at Craig, looking down on him per usual. Couples therapy clearly isn’t working. Watching this relationship filled with animosity and ultimatums is the WORST part of the show. Let Craig be Craig. If it isn’t good enough then get the fuck out and shut up Naomi. DONE.
Nasty caftan lady Pat Altschul and her equal parts gay and pretentious son Whitney discuss Pat’s latest antique atrocity. It’s an Indian elephant clock. Thank goodness Butler Michael is there to show them how to put it together and mix the gallons of alcoholic beverages it takes to keep Pat functioning. It’s sad when people who pride themselves with exceptional taste have zero.
Landon/Flipper stops by to see Thomas. She claims to be old-fashioned and wants a relationship to be taken slowly. What about her 25-year-old fuckboy? Not taking that one slow are we? For some reason, Thomas thinks Landon is a catch based on Patricia’s sacred blessing. Ugh!
Austen Kroll and Chelsea are driving to meet Austen’s parents. Chelsea drops a bomb on Austen changing her story about Shep “grabbing her and trying to force a kiss” to toning the situation down completely. Austen smells bull shit and calls Chelsea on it asking her if she’s talked to Shep. She has to admit that he came over! Dinner is now an awkward affair that nobody wants to sit thru. Chelsea will drop Austen like a flat beer if Shep whistles. He deserves much better!
Travel day arrives and the gang heads to Key-West. Flipper immediately starts drinking so her fin won’t quiver when Kathryn arrives. Pretentious Whitney tries to upgrade his suite since he’s a producer and Austen looks like he’d rather sleep with Landon instead of Chelsea at this point. This cast needs group therapy.
At the pool, Flipper tries to mouth off about Kathryn. Cameran calls her out about her Valentine’s Day date with Thomas. Flipper flips out on them all because she’s guilty!! She starts boozing harder feeling attacked but hasn’t quite started slurring……yet.
Everyone in the cast hooks up to discuss dinner and Cam gives her own “my eggs are dying” speech. Landon is now sloppy drunk. She begs Austen to stay with her and says,”my co-dependence is at an all-time high.” She practiced this one-liner because our dolphin says it again 5 minutes later. Chelsea gets a bit jelly watching the two of them. Shep knocks on Austen’s door bearing beer gifts and apologizing for his behavior towards Chelsea. They work it out in less than 3 minutes because Austen could give 2 shits about Chelsea now.
After the cast changes clothing for dinner Craig and Naomi waste no time in being obnoxious to each other. Flipper is slurring and looks (according to Sheppy) like she’s been “shot out of a canon.” At the restaurant, there aren’t enough chairs because nobody wants to sit by the dolphin, so she threatens to go back to the hotel. Thomas gives graphic advice on making babies to Cameran while and Whitney jokes with Kathryn about a T-Rav hook-up later. It’s a great evening! What could possibly spoil it?
That’s right! Flipper spoils the dinner! Between Landon and Naomi it’s a tie for most annoying in Key-West. Landphibian decides dinner when drunk and slurring is the perfect time to confront Kathryn, or should I say kiss the redhead’s ass? Before letting the girls make up Craig jumps in and insists they tell each other what they are both angry about. The dolphin did a complete 180 and blamed Thomas for “pitting them against each other in the first place.” You can’t make this shit up. A dolphin actually jumped the shark. Thomas now has his eyes wide open “since he used Landon as a weapon” and won’t be asking the hyena from hell out ever again. Somebody, please shoot me. Mercifully Cam breaks the ice and directs everyone to the bar.
The next morning the cast is incredibly hungover after visiting a Drag Queen Cabaret show and dancing til dawn.( Sheppy let them lick his chest!) The dolphin looks close to death without make-up and in need of a Java IV. Thomas is pissy after Flipper’s performance at dinner so he takes a few swipes at Kathryn. Ms.Calhoun Dennis does not rise to the bait and instead leaves the table to go pack. Game.Set.Match to Kathryn this week.
Until next time
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