Good Morning Bitchlets!
Last night’s #BelowDeckMediterranean did not disappoint! Production named the episode “Flirting With Disaster” but I disagree with that moniker. It should be called “Making Out With McHottie.” If you watched it I’m sure you concur. Wish I could get one with fries to go…
Meanwhile, our beloved deckies are enjoying a night off after scoring a huge tip from the previous week’s guests. Production sends them off to a cute restaurant with unlimited booze hoping to catch bad behavior on camera. This is RealityTV 101. Ply your talent with Grey Goose-based cocktails then whisper into their ears something that’s been said about them by another cast mate. Cue fireworks, dramatic music, and cat fights. Why switch it up when it works so well every time?
Bugsy and Hannah are still at odds over Adam’s comments about who’s the better Chief Stewardess. Hannah is annoyed that Bugs remained silent while Adam was throwing demeaning comments at her. Stew Code was broken & feelings were injured. By remaining silent, Bugsy subtly agreed with Adam’s assessment. In her talking head interviews, Bugsy has been calling out everything SHE would have done better as the Chief Stew. What she doesn’t understand is that Hannah can sense her resentment & judgment of her job performance. Add liquor into the mix and voila! A perfect Bravo storm is about to hit Croatia!
Hannah pulls Lauren aside for a cigarette after dinner leaving Bugs to “stew” alone at the table with the boys. They are all bitching about Malia leaving with Chef Adam so I’d want a break too. Hannah vents to Lauren that Bugs doesn’t have her back and is really hurt by it.
Back at the boat Chef Adam is being “consoled” by Malia over #oniongate. Sucking face is this man’s Xanax. Adam has gone from contrite to horny in less than 30 seconds. A new land record. Malia forgave Adam instantly over his passive-aggressive chive use, but the deckhands, Captain Sandy, and interior? Not so much. Poor Wesley still likes Malia and is hurt watching her and Adam perform mouth to mouth resuscitation in the galley. He and Bobby big teeth commiserate over beers and mutual adoration of Malibu Barbie. At least Wesley got to first base. Bobby has never left the parking lot.
Bugsy pulls Wesley aside to dish about Hannah’s attitude towards her. She still thinks Hannah has no idea that she feels she is a crappy Chief Stew. Wesley urges her to speak with Hannah. She’s feeling threatened and needs to be able to rely upon her 2nd stew. This should have been a red flag to Bugsy.
Captain Sandy calls a meeting to discuss new charter guest McHottie Jason Ziegler. Hannah thinks he will be a huge douchebag. Famous last words! Sandy singles out Adam for a stern warning insinuating that he had better knock it out of the park or he’s out. His task will be a 7-course dinner with tons of exceptions on the guest’s preference sheets.
Bugsy decides to clear the air and pulls Hannah aside for a quick chat. She tells Hannah she didn’t like Adam’s comments or approve of what he said. Hannah explained that she and Lauren have both had a tough time with Adam all season so it’s easier for her to chat about their mutual feelings together. Adam has diminished Hannah’s rank and Bugsy seems to have his back and not her Chief Stew’s. Bugsy tells Hannah she’s not taking sides but it’s obvious to all just how critical she is of her boss and how badly she wants the top spot. Surprise nothing is resolved!
Adam pulls Hannah aside for a chat and apologizes for his behavior and comments. Hannah lets him have it over the Bugsy “better chief stew” comments. Adam knows his ass is on the line and Captain Sandy will kick it to the dock if he misbehaves further. I’m happy to see Chef Adam own his deeds and apologize for what he’s done sincerely.
The guests arrive! McHottie is McYummy. You could eat fries on those abs for days then lick the salt off. Hannah is immediately McSmitten. Mr.Dreamboat arrives with some very plastic ex-Barbie dolls. I’m not sure who’s with who? None of them look like competition for our gorgeous Chief Stew.
Meanwhile, Captain Sandy lets Malia take the boat off the dock. The boys don’t immediately respond, but the job gets done. Well done Malia! (Fun Fact? She’s now a Captain) She knows how to thrust full throttle, just ask Adam.
Guest Jason McHottie thinks that Hannah McMuffin is cute and tells his friends. It’s like middle school on the high seas. You can tell Hannah’s radar is up because she’s checking her hair, adjusting her boobs, and re-applying lipstick. Service is at an all-time high. Today’s festivities include a Cuban-themed beach lunch party. Hannah and Lauren are both gushing over McHottie and plying him with rum shots. Good times! They don’t return to the yacht until after dark. McHottie has been flirting HARD with Hannah all day at the beach. We don’t get enough footage of these two in action AT ALL.
Back at the boat, Adam is busily preparing dinner with Captain Sandy over his shoulder. You don’t want to be on her bad boy radar and Adam definitely is. He’s even dressed up in his black uniform to impress her. Good boy Adam. Keep it up! The Cougar guests on board need man candy since McHottie isn’t interested in any of them, so they stalk the galley and crew quarters instead. Bobby and Adam are ripe fruit for the predatory cat picking. Adam must have turned the “plastic fantastic” over 50 blonde down because she switched gears to Bobby (She bitched about Adam’s food the rest of the charter too). Bobby claimed to be afraid and not interested. Doubtful. He and his Invisalign chompers need to breed.
Hannah is bartending for McHottie and friends. He is in hot pursuit! Suggesting a cigarette break with the Chief Stew is his way of getting her alone. Would you refuse the Primary’s request? Apparently, Bugsy would. She is indignant over Hannah’s behavior with a guest! I see where she’s coming from. It’s not the most professional thing to do. But I seriously doubt any 20-something woman could refuse McHottie’s multi-million dollar looks, personality, “and assets.” I too would have partaken in that McTreat.
The chat between Hannah and Bugsy didn’t work because Bugs continues to criticize her boss in interviews. Instead of critiquing perhaps Bugs could offer suggestions to Hannah face to face? Saying “When I was a Chief Stew” over and over isn’t helping anyone unless you use those comments to make positive changes on board.
Adam’s 7-course dinner is going well until the trout-pouted plastic fantastic guest he wouldn’t sleep with decides her meal is “icky.” Give the bitch a Denny’s Grand Slam next time or teach her some manners. I’m glad her chicken breast was salty. At least the one on her plate wasn’t fake. After the meal is cleared Adam takes a well-deserved bow. McHottie is very happy with the food!
Hannah makes shots for the guests then dashes up the primary cabin’s entry. We hear McHottie thanking her for the great service then……….kisses and gasps of pleasure? I am so in love with this show right now! It’s a cliffhanger kiss!
Until next week 😉
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