Season 2 of Below Deck Mediterranean has officially wrapped. Due to the great ratings, Andy Cohen has also graciously filmed a “Clubhouse” #WWHL reunion show with the cast that will air next Tuesday at 6 pm Pacific time. After season 3 airs expect a full reunion show with 2 or 3 parts like OG Below Deck. Bravo is very careful with its budget….
But what about last night’s episode?
It was a 7-course meal of Hypocrisy served up by the crew in a variety of recipes with extra onions. Yet no matter how it’s presented it still has the same nasty aftertaste. I blame it on a nasty disease that spread through the crew like lice in a Kindergarten. They all ( MedBugs, Malia’s Vagina, Bobby, Maxie, and Wes ) have a chronic case of #VHD Viral Hypocrisy Disorder which cannot be cured with a Penicillin shot or a Reunion show. Captain Sandy has been exposed to the virus, but luckily only caught a mild case. She will be just fine. I’m hoping Wesley pulls through too, but the deckies had such a bad outbreak that the CDC issued a quarantine. Only time will tell who survives to sail again. My guess is Captain Sandy, Hannah, and Wesley will get an invite to season 3 of Below Deck Meditteranean, the rest are terminal. #VHD is a real bitch.
Jerry Thibeau and his InstaModel posse are still on board the Sirocco in this continuum of last week’s episode. Deckhand Bobby Giancola swiped right on Tinder and has (surprise) been “matched” with one of Jerry’s guests named Paula. Since this is likely “true love” simmering in Bobby’s pants he decides to risk it all for Paula. By risking it all Bobby means putting the crew’s tip in jeopardy, exposing himself as a hypocrite ( remember his Hannah and Jason reaction?) and losing any shred of professional integrity we thought he had (Hello Danny and Lead Deckhand dreams!) This situation also points to several other culpable parties who’s rampant #VHD virus clearly affected their brain chemistry:
- Wesley Walton: As Bosun he’s Bobby’s direct supervisor and prides himself on workplace professionalism and integrity. He was also highly critical of Hannah kissing guest Jason. Apparently, when you are hooking up with the lead deckhand you personally promoted, Bobby’s fantasy date doesn’t earn a blip on the “against the rules” radar. Or is there a rule stating that since its the last charter anything goes?
- Bugsy #MedBugs Malone: “If I were the Chief Stew” Gives her friends a pass on their bad behavior with a half-assed “You know my feelings about this Bobby” while laughing down the hallway, instead of her usual “Off with Hannah’s head!” or “You should be fired!” for breaking the rules on a charter.
- Malia #MagicalVagina White: Doesn’t care if Bobby bangs the entire guest roster as long as he remains without criticism of her role as the lead deckhand and dating the crew. She jokes and flirts to keep him on her team. Bobby falls for it every time. I’m with Adam. No need to say goodbye to side chicks. She’s a liar and Hypocrite extraordinaire. Malia’s currently on vacation from torturing Adam with Wesley Walton in Africa on a safari. Wesley is enjoying denial while hoping his blonde Leopard’s spots don’t change color again. Nice guys don’t last long with predatory cats.
4. Max Hagley: Gives BFF Bobby a pass on everything. It’s “Bro-Code.” I still love him though. He’s just being Maxie.
5. Captain Sandy Yawn: This surprised me. After admonishing Hannah for a kiss with Jason, she gave Bobby a pass after primary guest Jerry’s complaint? Sandy is always super professional and demands that guests be treated to perfection so the lack of severity in dealing with Bobby’s overt actions was a bit shocking. However, it was the last night of charter. You can’t throw him overboard, so my guess is she made the best of it just to get through Jerry’s departure.
There were some really fun moments to watch during the finale. Chef Adam giving Wesley proof of Malia’s double cross was epic. Wesley choosing to ignore the facts because of a Magical Vagina? Just plain sad. Malia slept with Adam before the charter started Wes and lied to you about the relationship. Somebody throw our boy a lifejacket!
Preach Lauren! You get a pass because the main carrier of #VHD tried to infect you, but you fought it off in the end. #MedBugs weakened your immunity. Stay strong my friend.
Hannah Ferrier throwing shade at #MedBugs by being UCS ( Ultimate Chief Stew ) priceless. Slay girl. Getting voted MVP by client Jerry Thibeau plus a personal bonus tip of $5,000 is revenge served sweet. Splitting it with the crew who tried to take you down? That is a hardcore professional. Beyonce would be proud.
Jerry arranging an excursion for his InstaModels to go shoe shopping was the tipping point for Bobby’s penis. He sometimes forgets that he is on the boat to work at the client’s pleasure, not his own. Model Paula was a guest of Jerry’s and should have been gracious enough not to abuse the privilege. She and Bobby used the “shopping trip” as a date forgetting about the other ladies and making everyone late for dinner. You were right Jerry. It’s like herding cats with man mouse Giancola. Sitting down for dinner with all the models missing because of Bobby? Jerry Thiebaud blows a fuse and lets Captain Sandy know just how out of line Bobby’s penis has gotten.
Jerry’s night out with his petulant InstaModels was a classic! They are sad that Bobby is in trouble. Boo fucking hoo. Jerry gave Bobby a stern talking to, but allowed him to come with his crew to the clubs. Maxie, Malia, and Hannah also roll along to keep things under control with the cats. Hannah was in charge, alerting the club and taking care of cover charges so the guests were treated like VIP’s. She arranged cage dancing for Jerry and Bobby. Bobby used the experience to live out his Magic Mike fantasy when he should have let the guest shine. Bobby is still butthurt over TinderChick Paula and Jerry rubs salt in his wounds. Giancola always forgets his place. He’s there at the pleasure of the client, not for his own. Learn that lesson Bobby or go back to firefighting. Best Gif of the night goes to Below Deck Med production house 51 Minds. I love cage dancing Jerry.
Max saving Jerry from drowning in the hot tub was adorable too.
The tip commercial cliffhanger was a classic Bravo set-up. They made it look like Jerry was going to hold Booby’s actions against the entire crew. Instead, they came away with more money than they deserved after Hannah split her MVP tip with everyone. Did they appreciate the gesture? Doubtful. Malia’s Magical Vagina snarked behind Hannah’s back, “MVP Most Venomous Personality” yet accepted the money with a smile. She and #MedBugs have terminal #VHD
Captain Sandy bought the crew dinner and some stiff drinks before heading back to the boat. Hannah confronted #MedBugs about calling her a crappy Chief Stew. #MedBugs hates being called on her shit so tries to rally those infected with #VHD against her one last time. Lauren takes a stand with Hannah and #MedBugs runs away again dragging Wesley behind her.
Malia is called out by Wesley over Adam’s texts. She confesses she “kinda” knew Adam before the season started. Do we know the people we SLEEP with Malia? Even after being lied to, shown evidence of duplicity, and getting a snow job Wesley Walton is in too deep to escape her Magical Vagina. Future charter jobs may be hard to find for a certain blonde deckhand in the future unless she’s in a relationship with the Captain.
Adam explains to Hannah what really happened with Malia. It all becomes crystal clear to the Chief Stew. Malia meanwhile tries to regain support from her posse with a “poor me” story dissing Adam Glick. When she tries to clear the air with the chef he could care less. Her last ditch attempt to make herself feel and look better on camera backfires. She might as well have a Scarlett Letter tattooed on her forehead. Adam tells Wesley he slept with Malia and tries to warn him one last time about her.
Bobby apologizes again to Hannah for how he treated her. We know how that turned out from the #WWHL episode.
Crew Goodbyes are said. Some are heartfelt, and some are plain awkward. But the oddest moment for me is what Captain Sandy said about Hannah Ferrier in the final moments of her talking head interview. “I’ve never had a Chief Stew like Hannah. She did the best she could do.” What does that mean? Maybe we will find out more next week during the reunion!
Hope you have all enjoyed the season as much as I have! Stick with me. I’ll be getting Bitchy through #BelowDeck too!
Love and smooth sailing to all! xxxxx BBB