Long time no see! I took another hiatus from Reality TV and washed away the funk so that when Below Deck Mediterranean came back for S3 I would be ready. Two episodes in and I feel dirty already.
Most of what’s making me feel the need for a hot shower are the “guests” production booked for not 1 but 2 episodes. Talk about some basic filthy chicken nugget eating bitches! Nothing screams “new money” or I won a Cheeto’s raffle prize louder than getting on board a gorgeous yacht and screaming at staff because you lost your airline nuts. I’m sure Southwest was happy to be rid of these women too. My favorite had to be the drunken blonde Michelle Hilbery aka Hillbilly. She didn’t touch her gorgeous lobster bisque at dinner because she doesn’t like seafood. Hannah then asked Chef Adam to prepare something different for her since LOBSTER was the main course. That is what a Chief Stewardess does-anticipates the asshole’s next request before they have to ask. 5-star service begins and ends with this premise! Michelle Hillbilly is obviously used to Carnival cruise lines all day buffet.
Queen Michelle is then served an incredible duck breast dish and whines “I told you on the sheet I don’t like game meats.” Really Hillbilly? At this point, even Captain Sandy Yawn who is roped into dinner with the wicked stepsisters has had enough and retrieves the preference sheet. Voila! The ONLY item Michelle wrote down as a food to avoid is eggs.
It gets better. The guests get to see the episode 24 hours before it airs on Bravo. Panic sets in for Michelle and the other “ladies.”
What to do?
“I know, thinks Michelle aloud, I’ll post a video with my version of the dinner debacle and blame Hannah and those mean producers!”
Sorry Hillbilly. NOBODY buys your version of events. You might also want to take down the Below Deck Med banner on your Twitter bio page. It’s laughable to diss a show you were on and try and get followers from it. You have 7 total. Good job. Now scurry away and grow some manners to eat your nuts with.
One more thing Hillbilly and co. if you need a lesson on how to be a great guest on a yacht charter ask these ladies >> #LoveThem
A few other memorable moments from last night’s show….
The vomiting stew from episode 1 is still vomiting #BarfGirl She did rally when the work was over and it was time to party. Let’s hope she’s able to work for her share of the tips next week.
Joao and his penis were in overdrive. He also went a bit Bobby Giancola after a night of drinking. I’m keeping my eye on him.
Captain Sandy doesn’t seem to want Chef Adam or Hannah Ferrier in her crew. After the S2 Reunion show and her favorites from last season getting fired I’m sure she has somewhat of a grudge against them both. Captain Sandy doesn’t get to hire the crew production does so I’m sure it’s a bitter pill to swallow. I trust that the Captain’s professionalism will win over any bad feelings she may harbor in the long run.
Lastly, we see the beginnings of a showmance between Hannah Ferrier and Bosun Conrad Empson. I’m not sure if I saw this one coming? Hannah usually likes the bad boys and not the Bosun next door. I’ll need a hashtag for them my bitchlets. Suggestions? #Hanrad maybe? Let’s go with #Hanrad for now.
That’s all for this week lovelies!
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