What up Bitchlets?
How are you feeling about the season so far?
I’ve got to be honest my feelings are mixed. Wanna know why? I’ll just assume you do since you’ve read this far. Let’s cut through the production BS and get straight to the facts. Several things are pissing me off about S3 of Below Deck Med.
- Captain Sandy Yawn the self-proclaimed “Badass Captain” is anything but this season. She’s got a major #HanRad agenda, yet hasn’t channeled her inner Reality TV actress mode well enough to hide her schemes. Her Hannah hate runs deep and seeps into every episode. (Give #RHOBH stars Kyle Richards or Vanderpump a call, Sandy. They can help you hate on Hannah Ferrier in a way that isn’t so obvious to the viewer.) Everyone on a Reality TV show has a specific “role.” That’s why a show is cast and the Captain has no say in who is hired. Hannah Ferrier’s role is the “Sweetheart Chief Stew” who always does her best regardless of the fuckwits on board. The Bravo audience is invested in Hannah and loves to watch her ups and downs. She is the star of Below Deck Med. The audience DOES NOT LIKE IT when you pick on Hannah, Sandy. They will turn on you. Your popularity depends on your treatment of the crew, how well you train them, and the fairness which you dispense to all on board. How can you manage the crew if you are never with them? Sit down in the galley and join them for a meal! Get to know them as people. See how they act when their guards are down. What makes them tick? You are not a great judge of character Captain. There shouldn’t be “cliques” on the yacht of your favorite pets. Remember last season with Bugsy, Malia, Wesley, Max, and Bobby? Learn from that mistake and change course while your fan base is still intact.
2. Where are the crew storylines? So far all we have is the Hannah/Conrad blooming showmance aka #HanRad……
and the sequel of “To Catch A Predator” starring Joao Franco and his wandering unit. Kasey and Brooke are both competing to win the attention of Harvey Weinstein Jr. Yuck!
There is ZERO storyline for hottie deckhand Jamie Jason! http://www.bravotv.com/below-deck-mediterranean/lookbook/jamie-jason-street-style
And what about our rapper deckhand? Colin Macy-O’Toole is hot too!! Yet he and Jamie are getting no screen time. I love those two! I’d much rather see Colin and Jamie working hard on deck than Joao Weinstein breaking wine glasses out of anger. His scary, unappealing, and insubordinate persona have no place on a luxury yacht. Bravo PR is working overtime on this guy. His apology post to the Below Deck Med viewers is here:
Joao apology>>João Franco Has Something to Say About His Behavior on Below Deck Mediterranean http://www.bravotv.com/the-daily-dish/below-deck-mediterranean-season-3-joao-franco-apologizes-for-behavior#
3. “Chef” Adam Glick? LMAO!!!!!!! Cook Glick had never eaten at a Michelin starred restaurant before this episode? He was so inspired by the experience that instead of grilling a steak for the charter guests he made pizzas. Wow. Pizza? I thought Adam’s A-game was Chinese Chicken salad with extra onion? They are on a luxury cruise in the Med! How about some local dishes and ingredients? Theresa Giudice needs to send him her cookbook trilogy stat. I’m done with “Chef” Adam. He needs to go home and cook out of the Mystery Machine where surf and turf equate haute cuisine.
Lastly, this episode had only one engaging moment with the guests. A rich bitch needed gumballs. I think she wanted to appear quirky and fun by insisting a bowl of balls be delivered to her poolside stat. Unfortunately, her balls were all white just like her husband’s. Luckily for our classy guest, Hannah saved the day by finding colored gumballs. Hurray!!! Eat those balls baby. Eat em’ all!!
Sorry, this was late Bitchlets!
A girl has things to do……Muahaha